My Healing Journey

Anyone who has experienced heartbreak in their life knows there is no "time limit" or "guide" to navigate through it. It is an unfortunate human emotion we all feel at some point in our life. There are many different forms of heartbreak, but the emotion is still the same. I want to give you a glimpse of how my healing journey has been so far, in the hope that it can help someone out there.

I have written other blog posts going into more depth about my most recent heartbreak. For those who are new, I will sum up the story in a few sentences. On October 13th, 2024, my now ex-boyfriend decided to break up with me over the phone after we had been dating for almost 4 years. He could not accept that I was Catholic. A few months later, I found out he dived into a new relationship with a girl I never trusted. Among many other things, he did not treat me right or give me the love I now know I deserve. The best way I could put this relationship was that my kindness and selflessness were taken advantage of. In this case, the bad moments I experienced with him outweighed the good moments I had.

Phase 1: Sadness

The initial weeks and months of my healing journey were horrific. I missed him dearly and wanted him to come back to me. Each day would consist of me sobbing and eating very little. Nothing seemed to help me. In those days, I felt that the only thing that would make me feel better was to have him call me and say he made a big mistake and that he loved me.  I kept thinking that I would never find someone else that I would be able to love as much as I loved him. However, during those days my biggest goal was to sleep through the night and wake up the next morning knowing I made it another day. I knew one day the pain would go away, but my goal was to take it one day at a time.

** The time during the initial healing journey is different for everyone. For me, the first phase took a while to move on. For others, it might take a shorter amount of time. That is ok. Everyone processes loss differently.

Phase 2: Anger

Around January of 2025, I started to feel less sadness every day and instead found myself being angry. I was not only furious with him but also with myself. I was angry that for almost 4 years, I was allowing myself to be treated like such a minuscule priority. Even if he didn't feel like he was treating me this way, this is the reality of how I felt. Yes, I did communicate this with him multiple times but ultimately, he never made me feel otherwise. I was also angry that I found myself still holding on to someone who wasn't holding on to me anymore. One night, I found myself crying to a mutual friend of ours about how I had been feeling. I told him that I felt like I was trash that got thrown to the side of the road and was never thought of again. I mentioned how I might even still love him, despite all he has put me through. After admitting that out loud I developed this huge sense of false hope. False hope can be dangerous because it can trap you outside of reality. I found myself trapped with this feeling for a few weeks. Again, I was angry that I was holding out for someone who hadn't shown the slightest bit of love he claimed to once have for me. This new sense of false hope lead me to the next stage: denial.

Phase 3: Denial

False hope is a fantasy one makes up to protect themselves from the reality of a situation. The day I let false hope into my healing journey was the day my healing was put on pause. It was put on pause because I could not accept the reality that he left for good. To protect myself from accepting the truth, I convinced myself that one day we would find our way back to each other. I even told myself I still love him and that he is still my person. This fantasy protected me from reality and for a while it made me feel better. However, I realize now how unhealthy of a coping mechanism that is. I struggle with OCD. OCD stands for obsessive-compulsive disorder. These fantasies I made up in my head became to be obsessive. So much so that I started to have dreams about us reuniting and being happy together. However, those dreams and fantasies were a result of my OCD. It can be difficult for me to separate reality from stories I make up in my head. The love I admitted I still had for him played a big part in those stories. Having OCD is not a weakness, but it can certainly make situations difficult. Especially when those stories you make up in your head, come crashing down one day.

Phase 4: Back Down to Phase 1

I hit phase 4 in the first week of February. I was so wrapped up in the false hope I convinced myself of that I didn't allow myself to properly heal. I realized I still loved him and I wanted to tell him how I felt. I asked some of my friends and my closest family members if this was a smart thing to do. They all said the same thing. They told me that it was not a smart decision, but no matter what I decided to do, they would support me. One night I felt like I was drowning in the love I had for him that I almost texted his best friend asking if I should come clean. However, that night the Holy Spirit came to talk to me. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to write down my feelings in my notes app and then let it be for the night. I did just that, and I am so glad I did. The next day my world came crashing down, again. I found out the person I was still in love with, had already jumped into a new relationship with a girl I never trusted. I was destroyed all over again and fell back down to phase 1: sadness. The thought of them being together and doing everything we used to do together ripped me to shreds. I officially hit rock bottom. My best friend came over with flowers and ice cream not to cheer me up, but to show she is always here for me. We talked for hours. It was that night that I decided to take this blog seriously. I was not going to let an inferior boy dictate my happiness any longer.

Phase 5: Acceptance

After about 4 months, I have finally reached the acceptance phase. I have accepted that my ex is not my forever. He is not the person I would want to be the father of my kids. He is not the person I want to spend forever with. Why? It is because when I hit rock bottom, I finally saw the truth. All those stories and "what ifs" completely vanished. Acceptance is a difficult place to reach because you have to hit rock bottom first. I have accepted that I deserve better than the bare minimum. It was a very hard journey to get to where I am today, and I could not have done it without God. Throughout this entire journey, God was someone I could always turn to. He never judged me, He was always listening, He knows what is best for me. Accepting that my life has already been planned out for me, brings me comfort. I completely surrendered my life to Christ recently, and I have never felt more alive. Throughout these past few weeks, I have been asked out on 3 dates by 3 different guys. While the gestures were very sweet, it just didn't feel like the right time for me. My ex took so much away from me, including the love I have for myself. Before I can let anyone else in, I need to learn to love myself again. I have faith that when the time is right, and when the right guy comes along, I will know it in my heart. Currently, I am trying my best to forgive my ex, because that is what Jesus would do. Yes, I am still hurting but I have come such a long way from where I was back in October. I can confidently say I am proud of myself and my healing journey. It has been very difficult but with God's strength and love, you can overcome anything.

Never give up, especially with God on your side. Things may seem very difficult now but always remember: Focus on Jesus and Not the Storm. The storm will eventually pass and it will be Jesus who calms your storm. In Mark 5: 35-41, Jesus is on a boat with some of his disciples and a storm approaches rocking the boat tremendously. His disciples woke Jesus up from a sleep, terrified of the storm. Jesus stood up and immediately calmed the storm.

"He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, 'Peace! Be still!' Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, 'Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?'

In these few verses, Jesus is telling us that during a storm, we need to have faith that He will get us through it. Even when you hit rock bottom, Jesus is telling us to have faith. We do not need to be afraid. God will calm any storm we face in our lives, but we need to have faith in Him.

I pray that if you find yourself in a storm, or are experiencing these phases, you will find peace once again. I know the feeling of wanting to know how long a storm will last, or when you will start to feel better. I unfortunately do not have that answer. However, I can tell you that you are not alone in the storm. God is right there beside you to listen to your every cry, frustration, anger, etc. I am praying for you. Always remember, you are NOT alone.