Do I Regret Dating My Ex?

Long story short, yes, I do regret it. However, I can see why God brought him into my life. It was unfortunate I had to learn the truth from his friends and family why he really broke up with me. Yes, a big reason why he broke up with me was because I was Catholic. However, he knew I was Catholic from the start of our relationship. I learned new information that he started having feelings for someone else. Someone who was easier to love than me.

What I regret is not leaving sooner. He made me put up with so much that I did not deserve at all. I not only lost myself trying to please him, but I also lost the love I had for myself. If I could sum up this relationship in one word, it would be: manipulative. I was always giving 100% in the relationship and on his good days I felt like he would give me 40%. Communicating with him how I felt never worked because after about 3 or 4 days, he would revert back to his old ways. Whenever I came to him with a concern in our relationship or how he was treating me, he always looked to give up first. He is not a man in the sense where he could look at me, see that I am hurting, and do whatever he needed to do to make me never feel that way again. I put up with this hurt for 3 years and 10 months.

Most nights I would cry myself to sleep thinking that this isn't what love should feel like. I wanted him to change for me so bad, but he never did. Our junior year of college, he told me when he looks at me, all he can see is lust. That comment alone should have sent me packing. However, I was so blinded by the truth all I wanted to do was help him see me in the way I knew I deserved to be viewed. In the end, all my efforts were for nothing. After he broke up with me, he ran to another girl, who I found out from his friends, was someone he had feelings for. It destroyed me learning this. Knowing that while he was with me, another girl was on his mind.

I regret saying yes to him when he asked me out on our first date.

I regret staying with him for as long as I did.

I regret bringing him home to my family.

I regret defending him in front of my friends.

I regret not putting myself first.

I regret putting up with his manipulation.

I regret him driving a wedge between me and my relationship with God.

However, what I do not regret is the lessons I learned. This toxic relationship taught me a lot. I learned:

I deserve better than the bare minimum.

I deserve someone who will love me for me.

I deserve to be a priority.

I deserve to have someone who will treat my family as his family.

I deserve someone who will want to grow with me towards God.

I deserve someone who will fight for me during the good and bad days.

Each relationship we have is a stepping-stone, with lessons attached, that we need in order to find our forever person. The lessons may be hard to learn, but there is a reason why God is putting these lessons in our path. While my ex was never really there for me, God was.

My relationship with God has only gotten stronger since my ex left.

My life has only gotten better since my ex left.

The love I have for myself has only gotten better since my ex left.

Yes, I regret dating my ex. However, I do not regret the lessons I learned to not only better myself but grow closer to God. If you have been through a similar situation, I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope my story brings you comfort that you are not alone in your feelings.